What's Up Blog

Parents have been raising great kids successfully for thousands and have had the help of the family and friends as support. What has changed in the past few years that can explain the up rise of bad parenting? I have heard it said the parenting is still the same but that the media has brought to light the shortcomings of parents. We have never seen the rise of so many stories of neglect, abuse, and molestation because the news has never reported on it before. I have asked many parents where I work and those who I know that would answer honestly and with confidence that I would not betray or judge them a simple question. I asked them “Do you think you are a great parent?” To my surprise most of them said no. They think they were good parents but not great parents. I then began to asked why they thought they were not great parents. The majority of the answers fell under the same category. I have found that what separates a good parent and a great parent is fear. Specifically was the fear of making mistakes, the fear of being judged by other people, and the fear of the unknown. Fear is such an enormous barrier that separates us from what can truly be ours. No other emotion can get such a hold of us that it creates a blind spot to the reality of a life free of fear.

The fear of making mistake was at the top of everyone’s list of why they felt they were not a great parent. Most people have a fear of not wanting to make a mistake and therefore justify life by saying if they don’t try then they can’t fail. The same is true in parenting. If a parent does not make the necessary effort or takes chances in parenting then the chances of making mistakes are limited to only minimal few. The problem with this type of attitude is that life continues to pass us by and all we are left with are regrets. After my wife and I spend quality time with are kids she always asks me the same question, “Do you think we created great memories in our kids?” Taking chances and swinging for the fences may fail at times but it will be fun trying and the kids will create great memories of the time they spent with us. The fear of making mistakes will rob us of the opportunities of creating great memories. Taking chances with our kids will create great memories and when we are long gone our kids can sit back and laugh at the time we tried going fishing for the first time and got caught in a bad thunder storm. If we truly look at life all we are doing is thinking about memories, creating memories or planning a life that will soon be a memory.

The fear of being judged by others has been something that I seen people struggle with only because they struggle to ask for help. We believe as a society that asking for help is a sign of weakness therefore we rather hide our parenting question. Asking questions about what to do about certain situations is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. Parenting is like learning how to cook in that asking the right questions to the right people makes all the difference in the world. I love to cook and cooking for my family is one of the enjoyments I have in life but when I first started I was horrible. My cooking started to improve only after I started asking my dear mother specific questions about quality, timing, and temperature. Do not fear asking for help if you want help in certain situations in parenting. Many of the fears that parents have deals with disciplining their children especially when disciplining their children in public. We have seen many times in the news how parents are caught on tape beating their children when they misbehave. Some parents see nothing wrong with spanking their children as a form of discipline but have a fear of doing so in public. Other parents do not believe in spanking and yet wish that other parents would do something about their brat kids having a tantrum in the aisles of Wal-Mart. Kids will act differently when they are out in public than staying at home. Some kids are well behaved at home but as soon as they hit the streets they turn into animals. Other kids are good in public yet are a terror at home. The environment has so much to do in how children behave but the upbringing will shape the attitudes of the children and give them a choice to make wiser decisions when out in public.

Fear of the unknown can be a struggle with many new parents and some have a hard time turning to the right answers. The only remedy to the fear of the unknown is to bring it into the light of knowledge. We live in a great time where information is broadcast in many forms free and paid for. If we need help driving we can take driving classes, rent a DVD, go online, and just go out and practice. If we need to learn how to cook we can take classes at the local community college, subscribe to cooking blogs, hire a chef, or even ask our mothers. We have all the information in the world to do anything we want in life. If I want to be a scuba diving, black belt, mountain climbing, chef then I can go out and learn all I need to learn and have no fear of the unknown because I have brought all those things into the light of knowledge. Parenting is no different than learning all those hobbies and lifestyles. If you want to be a great parent then learn to cast out all fear of the unknown by learning something new today in parenting.